Pursuit
by Bensler
Summary: COMPLETED!A pre-ep.  No idea what is going down in the episode-well, maybe I did hear something about a...hug? But this is my take on what might happen or could happen or should happen, is more like it. You know I am EO to the core & it is Valentines Day!
1. Chapter 1

**Pursuit**

**by Bensler**

Terror.

Dread.

Anguish.

The details were sketchy – only that shots had been fired, an officer was down as well as others. Elliot's heart constricted painfully when he heard what happened because he knew Olivia was there. He _should_ have been. But Cragen pulled him back to run down another lead with Munch. _He_ was her partner. _He_ should have been there.

Calls and texts to her cell phone were met with the standard line that the customer you are attempting to reach is unavailable at this time. Either her battery was gone or someone had turned it off. And he knew Olivia would never have turned it off.

Elliot heard the wail of a siren and saw the flashing lights of an ambulance as it rounded the corner two blocks below him as he jerked the car to a stop. Not bothering to shut off the engine or close its door, he leaps from the vehicle and takes the steps in front of the building by two. Tearing onto the scene, he is mortified by the sight before him. Shards of glass from broken windows litter the floor. Windows broken by gunshots. But what really shook him up was the blood. There was no ignoring the blood. It was everywhere. So much blood. Too much.

The hammering of his heart made his chest ache as his frenzied gaze swept the scene for the one person who could quiet his heart and calm his soul. Pushing past unis standing guard and CSU techs measuring angles, dusting for prints, he checked each room in his frantic search for his partner.

The search is vain. She is nowhere to be seen. _No_ one from Special Vics is there. The pounding becomes more insistent and he is certain a heart attack is eminent.

Grabbing the closest uni, he demands, "Where are the detectives?" His voice was so rough, so raspy, he was not sure it was really him talking.

"Sir?"

"The detectives that were on scene! Where are they?" The quiet voice vanished and he now roared at the young policeman.

With widened eyes, the officer answered, "Mercy General."

Mercy General. Oh, God. Please. Please. "Who was shot?" Elliot glared at him.

"Uh…I…uh… I'm not sure who all it was, sir…at least one cop…and couple of others…I just got scene…sorry."

The air around Elliot suddenly disappeared. He stood gasping, trying to catch a breath. His chest was on fire. Now his breaths were coming hard and fast – he was going to hyperventilate. _Stabler, get a hold of yourself_, he screamed silently in head. _Olivia needs you._ Finally, he sucked in a normal breath and ran for the door.

Jamming the cherry on the dash, Elliot slammed the gearshift into drive, gunned the gas pedal making the tires of the sedan squeal as he made a U-turn onto the sidewalk and into the road and headed toward Mercy General Hospital.

Sprinting into the ER, Elliot quickly found Cragen and Alex talking with a medical personnel of some sort. Still, no Olivia.

"Where's Olivia?" Elliot yelled as he neared the Captain.

"Elliot," Cragen took a step toward him.

Elliot threw his hands up, a silent warning for Captain Cragen to back off. "Where is Olivia?" he growled.

He was about to lose it completely.

"They took her down that hall," Cragen said as he pointed to a set of double doors. "Elliot!"

He heard Cragen shout his name, but ignored it as he thoughts hovered near insanity.

Took her. _Took_ her? Elliot's mind raced with a dozen scenarios. _She'd been shot._ His mouth went dry. _Stabbed._ Did she need blood? _Had the crap beat of her._ He should have been there fighting with her. _For_ her. _She was in surgery._ Please be okay. _Or ICU._ Don't let it be that bad. _Or they simply had not had time to come and give them the bad news; to tell them she was…_

His hand landed on the sign that said 'Authorized Personnel Only' as he violently shoved the door open and burst through the barrier that kept him from what he needed more than anything else in this world.

The second he was on the other side he saw her. "Olivia!"

Horror.

Panic.

Grief.

These emotions and others played across her face as they rushed toward one another.

And tears.

Real tears.

Hot, salty tears.

They squirted from her eyes and raced down her pale cheeks.

The noise she made could have been his name, but whatever it was it was drenched in a tormented anguish. And name or not he would have recognized the sound of her voice.

When at last they touched, she shattered as she fell into his arms.

Melting into him, pulling him close, holding on for life itself, her strangled, deep sobs tore from her mouth straight to his heart rending it in two with such force it was all he could do to keep them standing. He began to rock her; to comfort her.

Pain.

Relief.

Wounded.

Healing.

Sorrow.

Joy.

At the prospect of losing her, the emotional trauma he felt was gut wrenching enough but her pain flowing into him was nearly unbearable. At least seeing her in one piece provided relief for him. Physically she may be fine, but he knew she was emotionally wounded. If only there were something he could do or say to give her the healing that began in him the moment he saw her. If only he could trade all her sorrow for the joy that filled his heart when he realized she was okay. If it were possible he would take it all and bear it himself so she could be spared.

Time stood still as he stroked her hair, rocked back and forth as he held her and she clung to him. The scent that was unique to her, his partner and so familiar to him filled the air around them and he breathed it in deeply. Though they both wore coats, the heat of her body seeped through warming places within him he had never known existed. He had never felt like this. Never know such a connection with any other person. And he had always been careful not to get too close to it. So careful because he knew it would make him feel even more things he had no right to feel.

The hard sobs that gave way to quiet crying; the warmth of her breath at his ear; the dampness of her tears on cheek as she leaned on him for comfort, somehow gave him the strength they both so desperately needed.

His whispered words finally soothed her enough to stop her crying, but she didn't let go of him. If anything, she held him tighter. The rocking continued. He lost count of how many times he kissed the top of her head; her temple. After what seemed an eternity, she slowly pulled back from him. Not out of his arms, but just enough that they could look into each other's eyes.

It only took a few seconds for everything to change between them. He felt it and he knew by the look in her eyes and the way to she could not hold his gaze that Olivia felt it, too. Her eyes shifted downward. To his lips. Then she glanced up at him almost as though questioning him. _Do you feel it, too? _Yes, he silently answered. As he leaned forward just a bit, testing to be sure he heard her, she turned her head closer to him as her tongue slid over lips. Elliot moved slowly, still uncertain. Their eyes were now locked and oh, the things they spoke of without ever uttering a word. Millimeters apart, their lips were nearly touching when…

The sound of the doors opening followed by Cragen's voice jarred them back to reality and they quickly released each other though Elliot kept an arm draped protectively around her shoulder.

"Elliot, Olivia." Cragen eyed them suspiciously before continuing. "Just got word – Fin's going to be fine. He'll be in ICU a day or two, remain in the hospital for several more days and out of work for a couple of weeks. But all in all he's good."

Olivia's eyes watered and she wiped at them as she nodded, unable to force words around the lump in her throat.

"That's great, Cap'n," Elliot said as he pulled Olivia a bit closer.

"Olivia, I know you've been through a lot today, but we need your statement as soon as possible." Cragen's hand went to her upper arm and he gently patted it. "Come back to the precinct when you feel up to it."

"Captain, I…" Her voice caught and she shook her head.

"I'll take her statement, Captain. That way she can stay here a little longer," Elliot offered, knowing she did not want to leave Fin just yet.

Cragen looked back and forth between the two detectives before finally agreeing. "Okay. But we really need it tonight."

"The brass is all over this, Liv. So, don't wait too long, okay?" Alex added as she gave her a tight hug.

The brass, Elliot thought to himself. What the heck happened that the brass is already on this? He looked at Olivia but she was staring at the floor and nodding.

Cragen and Alex headed out but just as they got to the door, Cragen stopped and came back to them. "Almost forgot…I need your gun." He held his hand out to Olivia.

Elliot was thoroughly puzzled now. The case just got more complicated than it already was.

Olivia pulled her Glock out of the holster, released the clip and laid them both in Cragen's outstretched hand.

"Liv, it will be okay," Cragen said softly. "Elliot, make sure she gets home and gets some rest."

"Yes, sir."

When they were gone, Olivia walked to the edge of the hallway to a small alcove and sat on a worn couch that sat under a huge window. Elliot quietly followed a sat next to her, not touching but close enough to be there for her.

Watching her, he thought back to how they had held each other and stared into each other's eyes. He had almost kissed her. His partner. Almost. He would have if Cragen had not come in when he did. And she would have let him. He saw it her eyes and heard the silent permission she had given.

Olivia leaned against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. Her fingers went to her forehead, lightly massaging it.

Elliot slipped his hand around the back of her neck and gently squeezed it. "Headache?"

"Mmmm…yeah." That she didn't not move or pull away from his touch amazed and frightened him. His complete ease with touching her at all terrified him.

"Liv, what happened?" he asked so softly he wondered if she even heard him.

A long silence ensued before she began.

"I shot Alicia."

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~

Her phone didn't work because it had taken a bullet meant for her.

A pre-ep. Since I have no idea what all is going down in the episode - well, maybe I did hear something about a...hug? But this is my take on what might happen, or what should happen, is more like it. You know I am EO to the core, so it is what it is.

**Bensler does not own SVU. Master Wolf owns SVU. Bensler does not own SVU. Master Wolf owns SVU. But Bensler has to ask – can you just sign over Meloni?**

I know you won't believe me, but I really wanted this to be a one shot - okay, quit laughing - but as you know I have a difficult time doing that, so this will be two parts. Maybe just two. And besides it is 1:00AM and I have to get up for work at 6:30! But I promise to post it all before the show airs! Let me know what you think! " ) Bensler

P.S. I saw two other 'pre-eps' and just as a disclaimer...I have NOT read them, so any similarities that may occur are just because great minds think alike! " )


	2. Chapter 2

I promised to finished this before the show aired - I delivered - please let me know what you think! If the show would be just half of what is portrayed here, all of our EO hearts would be filled to the brim! And maybe this is a bit on the sappy side, or maybe not. At some point everything is going to come crashing down on these two and when it does all those pent up feelings for each other are gonna come to a head and there will be no stopping them. That said, if and when that ever does happen, on the show or in fiction, some of their actions/words may seem out of character - but it won't really be OOC since they have been hiding their real personas from each other for so long. Hope you agree, if not please be gentle with me. " ) Bensler

**Pursuit**

**by Bensler**

**Chapter 2**

Elliot stared at Olivia in shock. She shot Alicia Harding? It was the last thing he expected her to say. Her eyes held a faraway look and he knew she was reliving the incident, blaming herself for whatever went down.

"Liv…" Her name was uttered softly and before he would have had a chance to say anything more even though he had no coherent thought to offer, she continued,

"She…she turned on us…" Olivia whispered. "Fin tried to stop her…she was like a raging bull…she had a gun and the perp had his hands up and we were all trying to talk her down…but she…was crazy. She kept saying 'never again, never again'; she said she was going to make sure he never hurt another little girl."

Turned on them? Did that mean what it sounded like, Elliot wondered?

She paused, closed her eyes tightly, pressed her fingers to them and smoothed the moisture away. Wiping her hands on her slacks, she took a shaky breath and began once again.

"Fin almost had her talked into putting the gun down, but then the perp said he knew she didn't have the guts to shoot him, just like she hadn't had the guts to stop him when he kidnapped her sister. And just like that," she said with a snap of her fingers, " every thing went to hell. Alicia still had the gun aimed at him and she pulled the trigger – thee times – shot him with his hands still in air. He's dead."

"Oh, God, Olivia. It's okay, it's okay," Elliot put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him trying to comfort her. No matter how much death they saw or how many times they had to shoot a perpetrator, it never got any easier to handle.

"It's _not_ okay," she sniffled and pulled away from him.

He gave her the space but still kept his arm around her.

"Didn't Cragen tell you _anything_?" she asked, finally looking at him.

Shaking his head, he answered, "No…I…heard the call go out on the radio and no one at the scene knew what happened and when I got here I didn't ask for details. I just…I needed to see…you…"

She stared at him wide eyed unable to believe he really knew nothing and amazed that his eyes held such concern for her. Breaking their eye contact, she leaned over with her elbows on her knees and resumed the story. "I couldn't get a clear shot because Fin was too close to Alicia trying to calm her. I tried reasoning with her and I thought she was about to break but then Sonya ran at her screaming at her that she had no right to take the law into her own hands like that…"

"Sonya?" Elliot was surprised at this revelation.

"I didn't know she was there…she started toward Alicia, all the while hollering at her. Fin tried to hold Sonya back, but it didn't matter because Alicia just turned the gun on her and told Sonya if she had done her job years ago, he would be rotting in prison. It all happened so fast and…and… she…shot Sonya. Fin tried to cover her body when she fell and Alicia was still firing. I had no choice, El. I had no choice," she sobbed and fell against him.

"That's right, honey. Shhh-shhh…you had no choice. No choice. It's gonna be okay," he tried to assure her.

"No, it's not, Elliot! Fin's shot! Sonya's dead! And I killed Alicia!" she screamed.

At her words, Elliot lost his breath. Sonya was dead? She was not his favorite person but he would never have wished this on her. The magnitude of what Olivia had seen, experienced and done was far more overwhelming than anything they had ever been through. Sonya. That was why the brass was so heavy on this already. An NYPD assistant DA gunned down. Thoughts crashed through his mind: Tucker, IAB, administrative leave, suspension – or worse, and those were just the consequences on the job. All that would all pale in comparison to what Olivia would do to herself mentally not to mention the emotional effect of this type of trauma.

Now more than ever he thanked God that Olivia had not been injured. It could have just as easily been her in Fin's position. She could have been the one lying in the ICU. Or the morgue. He shook his head to clear those thoughts because he did not have time to analyze all that could have happened and stress over it. Right now he needed to focus on Olivia and take care of her. She needed him.

Holding her was all he knew to do. There really were no words to say to make this better. So he held her while she sobbed. The ache in his chest was so intense, the pain so heavy – he had never felt such empathy for another person. It truly was as though he felt Olivia's pain. And that meant something out of the ordinary but he could not quite process the meaning right now. He rocked them back and forth, soothing her just as he had when they had embraced earlier. That she didn't pull away but instead allowed him hold her, to be there, well, that had to mean something, too, right?

Hands gripping his coat, her cheek rested on his chest just below his chin. At last, she quieted and he felt a soft wisp of warmth through his shirt as he heard her barely whisper his name.

"El?"

"Hmmm…"

"Can…can we check on Fin? I need to see him."

"Yeah…sure. You okay to stand?" he asked as he released her from his hold but took her hands in his.

When she nodded, he helped pull her from the couch.

Stopping at the nurse's station, Elliot asked if they could see Fin. At first, he was told no, but another nurse nearby knew they were detectives, explained the situation to the other nurse and she led them back to Fin's room.

"You can only stay five minutes," she told them as she left them alone.

Other than a large bandaged area at his right clavicle and a compression bandage wrapped around his right arm, Fin looked fine. Almost as though he were just catching up on lost sleep. Of course, there were the standard hospital machines – oxygen, blood pressure, IV – at his bedside with their beeping and hissing.

Olivia was frozen at the doorway and Elliot stood right behind, watching her closely. He could see the wheels turning in her head and knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Liv…you did everything you could. This is not your fault," he told her, his lips close to her left ear.

Her head shook just slightly. "If I'd done everything I could, my partner wouldn't have gotten shot. I should have realized Alicia was unstable long before this happened."

"Olivia, we both know you had no way of knowing she would do this. And if you'd had a clear shot, yeah, you might have kept Fin from getting shot…"

"And Sonya from dying," she whispered.

"Don't." Putting his hands on her shoulders he turned her to face him. "Don't do this to yourself."

"I can't help it," she sniffled as tears came to her eyes.

"Yes, you can. It was out of your control. We like to think we are in control of everything, Liv, but truth is, we aren't."

He waited for her to respond, but she simply stared at the floor.

He put his arm around her at her waist and gave her a slight tug. "Come on," he said as he pulled her toward Fin's bedside.

When he touched her, she let out a small sound of distress, moved his hand from her hip then placed her own back at the area he had touched. He looked at her in confusion and she shrugged. "Sorry…got banged up a bit during…the…uh…with all that happened."

Concern gripped him. "You okay?" How bad was she hurt, he wanted to know.

"I'm fine."

She moved until she was beside the bed and stood there for the longest before she slowly reached out and took Fin's hand. As she rubbed her thumb across his fingers, Elliot saw tears fall into the sheets.

"He's going to be fine…and he wouldn't want you blaming yourself for this either." He paused briefly. "You know that, right?"

Pulling a tissue from the bedside table, Olivia nodded then wiped her eyes and blew her nose. She leaned over and whispered in Fin's ear, "Heck of way to get out of paperwork, Fin." She ran her hand along his forehead and down his cheek. "You _are_ going to be okay."

She turned to Elliot. "Can I get a lift home?"

Elliot smiled at her, leaned toward Fin and said, "We got too much work to do for you to be laying around doin' nothin'. Get well, man."

He headed out and held the door open for Olivia. As they passed the nurse's station, the same nurse who had taken them to see Fin, called out to Olivia

"Detective, don't forget your things."

Both of them looked over and saw she held up a clear bag containing several items.

Olivia went toward her and took the bag. "Thanks."

She rolled it up and tucked it under her arm.

"What's that?" Elliot asked, wondering what could be in the bag.

"Nothing."

Knowing he would get no further explanation from her, Elliot did not pursue the subject.

The ride to her apartment was silent as was the walk up to her floor. When they got to the door, she fumbled with the keys surprised to see her hands were shaky. Looking to Elliot, she handed him the keys and asked, "You mind? I guess I'm…still shook up…"

Taking the keys from her, he quickly unlocked and opened the door.

Elliot handed the keys back to her and she dropped the on the hall table along with the bag from the hospital and her sunglasses. She removed her coat and for the first time Elliot noticed how careful she was of her side.

He was standing there unsure of what to do. It had been a long time since he had been at her place – over a year ago when she was sick with the flu and was being framed for a murder. That was rough time, he thought, and then ran down a mental list of all the rough times they had been through together or _because_ of each other. This latest incident made him realize more than ever just how very important she was to him. And how much he needed her in his life.

To lose her was not something he believed he would ever be able accept or get over. She could have died today. And where would that have left him? With a bunch of feelings he never shared with her; a bunch of words never spoken to her; a bunch of things between them they never discussed and made right.

Watching her hang her jacket on the rack by the door, he promised himself that soon he would take care of all the things that lay between them. He would make things right. Soon. In just a few more weeks he would be in the position to be able to say everything he had needed, and wanted, to say to her for years now.

Suddenly she was standing before him. He looked up at her. A strong desire to hold her again arose within him. He needed to feel her warmth against him; to hear her heart beat with his; to know, just _know_ that she was safe. To keep from reaching out for her, his hands curled into fists.

"Thanks for the ride, El. But you don't have to stay. Kathy's probably got supper on the table."

Elliot sucked in a breath. Should he say anything or not, he wondered? It would probably make her mad that he had not told her before now, but he had to tell her at some point. He ran a hand over his head. "Kathy's got a date."

Olivia froze. "Date?" Her face was filled with surprise as she looked up at him.

"We split again. Signed papers last week."

Her eyes looked everywhere except Elliot. She had heard rumors and was miffed that he had not mentioned anything to her. Again. But she determined to let it slide. After all they had both kept their share of secrets from the other over the years.

"Oh. Well, you still don't have to stay," she repeated. Please don't stay. Not now. Not when I know you are on the way to being free. Not when we just held each other like we did two hours ago. Not when I know how you feel against me; not when we almost kissed. If you stay, I can't be held responsible for any of my actions. Or yours. Her brain went into overdrive, assaulted with crazy thoughts of her and Elliot.

Finding a smile to give her, he disagreed. "Oh, but I do. Captain's orders."

Regaining some of her composure, a raised eyebrow and slight smirk met his response.

"Cragen said make sure you got home – check," he grinned as he made a checkmark in the air, "and got some rest. So, I'm going to hang around to make sure you do just that."

"I don't need you hanging around watching me sleep."

"Okay, so I won't watch you sleep, but I _am_ going to make sure you don't sit up all night thinking about what might have happened or beating yourself up because you think you should have done something different. You need rest."

"Suit yourself. You know where the extra sheets and blankets are," she told him as she headed toward the bedroom. "I'm going to take a long, hot shower."

"Okay." As she walked away he thought of something else. "By the way, I'm the one who walked away this time."

Olivia paused but did not look at him.

Elliot watched her retreating form until she turned at the bedroom entrance and their gaze locked for several seconds. Just before she disappeared behind the door, he saw her smile.

Taking a deep breath, he rolled his head on his shoulders to release some of the tension that lately had found an almost permanent home in his neck and shoulders. He went to the small linen closet next to the front bathroom, found some sheets, a blanket and a pillow then proceeded to make up his bed on the couch, sat down and turned on the television.

The steaming water rolling over her body was just what Olivia needed to wash away some of the tension of one of the worst days of her career. Watching someone die was an indescribably horrific thing to experience. Knowing that you caused that death was even more appalling and no amount of reasoning or justification could lessen the guilt.

Today she had watched as a beloved colleague was shot in a futile attempt to protect another colleague. Thank God, Fin would be fine. But Sonya Paxton was not as fortunate and though she and Olivia had gotten off to a very rough start in their working relationship, once Olivia realized Sonya was an alcoholic, she softened her attitude with the older woman. She understood Sonya because she had dealt with her alcoholic mother all her life.

While she did not condone the drinking, she understood that Sonya, just like Olivia's mother, had in some way been emotionally, mentally and/or physically wounded along the path of life. In some twisted way, Sonya's death resonated with her in much the same way her mother's death had. Both were senseless, needless and untimely. Tragic. Then her thoughts turned to Alicia Harding. She, Olivia Benson, had killed the woman. Tears began to burn at her eyelids again and she resolved to stop thinking about all these things she could do nothing about.

She turned off the water, pulled the curtain away and reached for a towel. The shelf was empty. Rolling her eyes, she remembered she had left the basket of clean towels on the kitchen counter. Her clothes were strewn through the bedroom and she did not want to drip all over the carpet, so she yelled for Elliot.

Jerking awake, it took a moment for Elliot to remember where he was and to realize Olivia was calling for him. He jumped up and ran to the bedroom door.

"Liv? You okay?" He opened the bedroom door enough to see her peering around the bathroom door.

"I'm fine, El…there's a basket of towels on the kitchen counter. Would you bring it in here please?"

Elliot chuckled as he understood her predicament. "What's in it for me?"

"I can tell you what's in it for you if you _don't_!" Olivia retorted in warning.

He found the basket and took it to her. She opened the door careful to hide behind it. "Just shove the basket in. Thanks."

"You hungry? I could order some Chinese." He tossed the basket through the open door and tried not to think of Olivia's state of undress just inches away from him.

"Not really…but go ahead. I'll try some." She quickly closed the door.

Elliot was smiling as he started through the bedroom. Olivia's clothes made a trail from the bathroom to the doorway. Side stepping them, he noticed something on her shirt. Picking it up, he saw it was blood that marred the light blue material along with a shredded area toward the bottom of the left side. His heart missed a few beats and the rush of blood when it started again left him lightheaded.

Fingering the material, he made the mind numbing connection between the bloody, torn fabric and her actions earlier at the hospital when he put his arm around her waist. Heart pounding, he went to the entrance and picked up the bag the nurse gave Olivia.

Olivia stepped out of the bedroom in navy sweat pants and a long-sleeved yellow tee shirt. "I don't smell any food."

Elliot didn't comment.

She looked around and saw him sitting on the couch staring at the blank television in the darkened living room. She walked toward him. The light from the kitchen shone on his familiar profile, yet there was something different about him. The stubble of his beard shadowed his cheek and chin like always at this time of the evening. But his lips were thin lines and his eyes were narrowed and the set of his jaw was hard.

She sensed something was wrong but had no idea what. "Thought you were going to order Chinese."

Still no answer.

"El?"

"Lost my appetite," he said tightly.

Alarmed at his overall manner and the dangerous rumble of his voice, she tentatively moved closer to him as she asked, "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I think that's my line, Olivia," he said without looking at her.

"Elliot?" She had no idea what he was talking about but when he used her proper name in that tone, she knew whatever it was, it was not good.

"Were you even going to tell me?" he asked with the same low growl.

"Tell you what?" she whispered as fear began to creep in on her.

The muscle in his jaw jumped as Elliot silently stared down at his hands. Olivia had seen that twitch too many times to count. And she knew it meant he was upset or angry or both. She was steeling herself for the answer when she noticed what he held in his hands. And then she knew. She knew the coming explosion was unavoidable.

Before she could say anything, he looked up at her. Those blue eyes were etched with so many emotions she had trouble naming them all – fear, anger, hurt, concern, and something she refused to give a name because she was so certain she was wrong.

Draped across his left knee was her shirt – the shirt she had worn that day - folded so the blood and torn area were in plain view. In his hands was her cell phone. Or rather what was left of it. The pounding of her heart and the sick feeling in her stomach made it impossible to force words out to even try to explain when really there was no explanation as to why she did not tell him. At least not one that she could actually tell him.

"You _know_ what." He stood to face her holding up her shirt in one hand and cell phone in the other.

Looking from Elliot's eyes to each of his hands and back, she could not push the words out of her mouth.

"Come on! Look at it!" He shoved the cell phone in her face. The top left of it was missing; the plastic casing melted with long, thin shreds of casing streaming from it; the screen filled with the liquid crystal that once made up the LCD screen.

She flinched but did not back up and he did not back off.

"And this! Look at it, Olivia!" He was pretty much screaming now as he waved her shirt in front of her. "I asked you what happened out there and you….you…"

As he got right her face, Elliot's eyes were wild, the vein on the side of neck bulging, his chest heaving with each breath, and then he suddenly pushed the shirt and cell phone at her, spun away and started for the door. "I can't do this!"

Mortified, she dropped both items to the floor and yelled as she ran to stop him. "Elliot!"

Grabbing his jacket from the hook, he reached for the doorknob. "No! I cannot do this anymore!"

Olivia moved quickly putting herself between him and the door. "Elliot…don't go. Please?"

Her voice was so soft she was afraid he would not hear her given his riled up state. She put her hand on his chest and gently pushed him back.

It seemed to last forever – their eyes penetrating each other's soul. Silently reaffirming all the feelings, all the words left unspoken but so clearly understood across the span of their partnership and whatever else it had evolved to become. Slowly, Elliot calmed down, just enough that Olivia knew he would not leave. Not like this.

When his right hand reached out to cup her jaw, she closed her eyes. His left hand mirrored the action of the right and he leaned his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

He nodded. "I want to see."

He felt her nod and he pulled away. Their gaze once again met before she slowly lifted her tee shirt enough for Elliot to see the white tape and gauze just above her left hip, right at the waist.

He stared at it and then looked up at her. She caught his gaze and understood. Reaching down she carefully pulled the bandage away allowing him full view of what he had asked to see.

Elliot gasped and fell to his knees. Gently, his warm hands caressed each side of the wound. Though tears blurred his vision, he counted nine stitches. Nine. Turning his head to first catch a tear trailing down his left check with sleeve of his jacket, he tenderly put the bandage back in place then bent to softly touch his lips to the gauze.

Olivia had been silently watching him, awed by what was happening, but when he placed that kiss upon her injury, the sob tore from her and tears streamed down her face.

Before she could comprehend it, Elliot was hugging her, holding her tightly. She knew he was crying, too, because of how his shoulders were shaking. She was overwhelmed by what was going on between them. She had dreamed it; hoped it, but they had never been like this with each other. Never.

Elliot thought about all that had happened and how he was perturbed over not being able to reach her earlier when he called. And now he knew her phone didn't work because it had taken a bullet meant for her. He also knew that Alicia had shot at Olivia and Olivia really did have no choice but to return fire.

At last he spoke. "I could have lost you today."

"But you didn't."

"Why didn't you tell me you were shot?"

Shrugging, she leaned against him, her arms pulling him tighter against her. "I was upset about Fin and Sonya and Alicia. Maybe I just forgot."

He moved so he could look into her eyes and she knew he knew that was not all of it.

"Or maybe I just didn't want you to know because I didn't want to deal with you being upset and if you weren't upset, I couldn't handle it if you just…just…I don't know…"

"If I just what?"

"If you didn't care…"

Elliot's eyes narrowed as he frowned. "How could you think that, Liv?"

"Because you've acted like that before."

"When?" There was never a time he didn't care about her.

"After the car accident; the pizza bomb; the guy who sliced me at my apartment; the…"

"Okay…okay. You're right. Guilty as charged. I acted like that but it wasn't because I didn't care, Olivia. It was because I cared more than I knew I had a right to care. Forgive me?"

Nodding yes was all she could do because she was on the verge of tears again.

"Liv, I've got so many things to tell you, to say to you." He shook his head and blinked back tears. "And soon I'll have the right to say them – to _show_ you. Can you wait?"

"I've been waiting for years, El. What's a few more weeks?"

Elliot smiled and tightened his arms around her. "I want so bad to kiss you right now," he whispered against her cheek.

"Mmmm…" She so wanted him to kiss her but it wouldn't be right. Not for her and certainly not for him.

"We should wait, huh?"

"Yeah, we should," she agreed though it was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Then I need to…to not be so…uh…close to you," he said as he placed a kiss in the middle of her forehead and stepped back from her though he held her hands.

"I know…me, too."

Their hands outstretched so their fingers touched until the last possible moment, Olivia slowly moved away from Elliot as she walked backwards toward her bedroom.

Watching her again like he had before only this time her eyes never left his, she stopped just outside the bedroom.

"El…you said you could of lost me today…" She paused to make sure he was listening to her. "Instead, you found me."

His smile was wide when he corrected her, "We found each other today, Liv."

Her brilliant smile burned into his memory as she closed the bedroom door for the second time.

Still smiling, he leaned against the front door and whispered, "One pursuit over, a new one begun. My pursuit of you, Olivia Benson. And I _will_ catch you."

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~

It means more than you know to hear what you think of my story...so thank you for reading and commenting. " ) Bensler


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